


Gone with the Phases

by M_The_Muse



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Every Phase Covered, Help, I Have Never Done Tags, My First Fanfic, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-01 19:55:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_The_Muse/pseuds/M_The_Muse
Summary: When 2D realises how out of hand his addiction has gotten, he tries to sober up. Little does he know that a young Noodle is curious on why he wanted to take his pills. This tells the tale of a newer band dealing with a variety of issues, from Noodle's untamed curiosity and emotions, to Murdoc's bad temper and violent attitude.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction. I doubt it is very good, but any feedback at all will help me grow as a writer. Please understand that this will follow some heavy topics, and it sometimes even hurt me to write certain parts. 
> 
> But, this is Gorillaz in a light that I felt necessary to shed. I wish to give each character an equal role in every chapter, and touch on the band that we not get to see after the cameras are gone. A band that has problems just as any other. A human band. 
> 
> I am in no way saying that the band isn't human. I only want to give a good story, and to feel good about putting my work out there.

Stu was always a bit off. He wasn’t smart, but he had his moments of dumb luck and meant well. Even when treated poorly the tall man would try his best to be kind. He would get protection from Murdoc once Russel joined the band. That was where the abuse was majorly turned down and he had a normal friendship with Murdoc at that point. It changed when Noodle came around, Russel had a distraction from protecting Stu. 

Stu thought he’d get it worse than before, but was genuinely surprised when Murdoc remained somewhat friendly by the tall man’s standards. Sure, he’d still be a knob at times, but he was actually being nice to Stu now. He thought Murdoc was being nice at least, he was mostly too high on pills to know what the green man had been telling him. His body had apparently suffered from withdraw while he was in a coma, taking a normal dosage hit him a bit harder after so long. Side effects developed that weren’t there before, and it was concerning his band-mates. He would mostly black out, not remember anything that he’d just done, or collapse. It especially scared Noodle, who was prone to trying to climb the tall man. He only collapsed once, but it was while Noodle was on his shoulders and it was the turning point of his addiction. 

They started by cleaning out his room of all medications. Well, three of them did. Murdoc just sat propped on the wall, copious amounts of alcohol beside him. Russel had tried to force Murdoc into helping for emotional support reasons, but Stu dismissed it. He didn’t want to make anyone do something they didn’t want to do because of a problem he had.

Noodle was only allowed to find the pills. They didn’t even want her touching the things. She thought it was odd since she’d seen Stu down handfuls of the colourful capsules, and carefully snuck a couple stray ones into her coat pocket. She wondered why they were so bad if they’d let Stu have them for so long. Being the type of person she was, she decided to find out for herself. Russel had told her before that they would spread a feeling of happiness and relief from pain, but left you hurting worse than before. She knew Stu had a lot of headaches that were probably worse than she could ever know, but even without her own physical pain she wanted to experience the feeling. 

After cleaning out the room, they went their separate ways. Stu followed Murdoc into the living room, Russel went into the garage to work on taxidermy, and Noodle scurried off into her own room. She was determined to find out why these accursed things caused Stu to act strange. Setting a glass of water on her dresser, she laid out the pills beside the glass. There were a few that were blue and yellow, but then there were red ones as well. She had no idea if she should do one type at a time or just mix them. She decided that mixing may not be the best idea, as many television ads for pills she’d watched said not to mix them. 

Noodle wondered which ones did what Russel had said. Maybe they both didn’t do what Russel had told her and they both made her really sick. She was scared about the scolding she’d get if and when the others found out, and horrified about the prospect that she could die. But, she was dying to know what they would do. She grabbed a singular blue and yellow capsule, knowing that more could be an overdose for a child like herself. Popping the thing into her mouth, she quickly took a drink of the water to help force it down. She put the rest under some clothing in one of her dresser drawers, drank the rest of the water, and laid on her bed to wait for an effect.

There was nothing for a few minutes, and Noodle thought that it was a dud capsule. Then it hit her. She felt light, an odd feeling spreading through her. It was very pleasant, but alien. She did what every movie with characters using drugs that her band-mates had shown her, and looked at her hands. They moved up to her face in slow, jerky movements. A small giggle slipped past the young girl’s lips. It was funny how slow everything moved, and the pleasant feeling grew with each passing moment. She felt boneless, practically melting into her bed and feeling very warm. The warmth was astounding, her slow moving hands removed her helmet and coat. 

Now lying in a loose t-shirt and shorts, hands slowly running through her hair that was damp with sweat. Noodle laughed a little louder now. She knew nobody would hear her because they were all in completely different parts of the studio. The small girl stood from the bed, her legs shaking from the boneless feeling. Grabbing her dresser for support she looked into the mirror above it. She laughed at herself, she looked so silly and dishevelled. Sweat lightly coating her face and causing her shirt to have some damp spots.

She understood why Stu always looked so messy, they made you not really care about how bad you actually looked. Her head was spinning from standing for so long. She flopped back onto the bed so she wouldn’t hit anything, keeping in mind to stay in one place for future reference. She rolled around a little, still a little uncomfortably warm in the room. It wasn’t too bad, but she knew from movies that drug trips could go a lot worse.

Noodle wondered how long this would last, she both wanted it to last forever and go away. If it lasted longer she’d feel good, but she’d probably be caught with the way Russel liked to check on her. Russel, she’d have to be sure he never finds out about this. He wouldn’t scream, he only did that with Murdoc, but his scold was much worse. He always made her feel so remorseful of what she did that it made her actually respect the man for teaching her to be good. 

She guessed the high was fading now. Feeling her movements catch up with her, and the familiar awful feeling of nausea crashing into her. Fearful of making a mess she quickly made her way to the personal bathroom in her room. Returning to her bed after a few torturous minutes of vomiting, she immediately felt guilty. Knowing it could kill her, knowing it would hurt more than just herself, but that felt too good not to try the other pills. She wanted to know if they gave her more, a better feeling than the last.


	2. Phase One: Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place closer to the end of phase one. I wanted to portray a slightly older Noodle, and how her childish emotions beat out her endless wisdom and give Russel more of a role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say that I know the events of a few chapters all happen in one day, but I can personally relate on how one day can go from bad to worse. 
> 
> Also slight 2Doc part, but it won't really go anywhere because I don't want it to be about ships. It will come into play for a future chapter facing an issue within that nature. It won't last long, so I am only asking you to put up with it for the sake of future plot. I only want to set it up now to lighten the plot and give some comedic dialogue, so please do not leave hate over a trivial subject.

Noodle was older now, smarter, able to find more pills and keep them hidden. She’d saved most of the ones they had trashed from years ago, but found ways to up her supply. She’d secretly collect pills from Stu’s mother, claiming that they were for Stu. His mother agreed to it, and she now had a steady flow of meds coming in. Noodle knew it wasn’t right, but it was much safer than getting them from the streets.

Nobody had noticed her secret. She made sure to take them late at night when nobody would suspect her, and just commented that her tiredness was the effect of working hard. She thought she’d get away with it. She didn’t even give a thought about what not having them was like until she saw Stu.

His hair was messier than normal, black eyes wild, hands pawing through a small box he must have dug out from under his bed. She heard the familiar sound of pills in a bottle as it fell from his hand at the sight of her. He collapsed to the ground, probably expecting getting hit even though he knew Noodle would never do that. Stu broke into sobs before she could even move past the threshold. The blue man’s face covered by his hands, though you could tell it was flushed. She rushed over to him, holding his shoulders to make him look at her.

“Toochi, what are you doing?” Noodle asked calmly, not wanting to upset the man any more than he was now.

“I-I need to ‘ave me pills.” He clutched his head as if in pain, “My head ‘urts so bad. Noods, I need them make it stop.”

“Stu.” She saw him straighten up at the use of his real name. “You can fight it. You’ve done so well these past years, you don’t need them.”

“No, I can’t. Is so awful, it ‘urts too much.” Fat tears slid down his face, dripping from his scruffy chin onto Noodle’s shirt. “I ‘an not take it.”

“Look, I know that being in a place like this promotes bad choices. Especially with Murdoc around here. But, you need to stay strong.”

“I don’ know if I can…” Stu buried his head into the preteen’s shoulder.

“Remember when you collapsed a few years back?” Noodle felt him nod into her shoulder. “I was so scared you were really sick, I thought you’d gotten hurt badly.”

“Noods, ‘m so sorry ‘bout that. I never wan’ed to hurt you.” His voice warbled with emotion.

“Then stop this. You don’t need the pills, we can help you Stu.” Noodle’s voice shook as her tears dripped onto Stu’s back. “We need you, Gorillaz isn’t Gorillaz without you.”

Stu pulled back and gazed up at her. The preteen had removed her hands from his back and covered her face with them. He could hear her crying, trying to be quiet so he wouldn’t know she was letting go of herself. Even if it was only for a moment, Stu understood that this was the real Noodle. The little girl they’d found in a crate who could kick the asses of zombies may look older, but she’s still a little girl. She still has emotions that she can’t understand, she still needs them to help her through life, all of them. 

“Alright, I’ll stop. I’ll stop for Gorillaz, an’ the family it made.” Stu smiled down at the girl, pulling her head into his chest.

They stayed like that for a while. Stu waited for her to stop crying, running his fingers through her black hair. He told Russel the whole story while carrying the small girl to her room after she’d fallen asleep in his arms. The large man’s eyes softened in a way that they only did around Noodle. His enormous hands lifted her tiny figure, and he left Stu to take Noodle the rest of the way to her room. 

Russel was heartbroken to see the tear tracks on the closest thing to a daughter he had. That girl had wisdom beyond her years, but emotions in tune with her physical age. He had no clue how distressing it must be for her. Russel wanted nothing more than to take all that away, and he agreed with the thoughts ‘D had shared with him. They all needed to help her, guide her around the whirlwind of emotions she has until she’s an adult. He squeezed past the narrow threshold and set Noodle onto the center of the bed. Russel sat on the edge of the bed beside the girl, one hand still lingering on her upper back. 

“What am I gonna do, shoeshine?” He sighed, knowing she wouldn’t answer him. “I’m gonna make a promise to all of ya. I promise ta be sure y’all are safe even if the band breaks up.”

The man ran his dark skinned hand through Noodle’s hair, thumb running over her small ear. He was going to leave until he heard the door slam. Russel turned to spot Stu panting as he pressed his back to the shut door. Noodle stirred in her sleep, her body jerked at the sharp sound. Russel held a large finger to his lips, removing it to motion at the sleeping girl to Stu. The blue haired man locked the door quickly, running over quietly as possible to stand in front of the bald man. 

“What is it ‘D?” Russel whispered, though his booming voice made it much louder.

“Muds’ drunk again, an’ he’s actin’ weird.” Stu squawked.

“Damn, how weird?”

“Uhm, Russ. How weird would ya rate this?” The tall man turned his head to reveal a red mark on his neck, obviously a hickey.

In the three seconds to process what had happened to Stu, Russel had done a total of four things. He had: One, knew he was going to hit Murdoc after this. Two, realised that was why Stu looked messier than before. Three, burst into roaring laughter. Finally, he’d woken Noodle from her sleep. The large man felt a pang of guilt when he saw the girl jolt from her bed, but it was quickly forgotten with the face Stu was making.

“Sorry ‘D, that’s just too good!” Russel boomed, “Did he really do that?”

“Russ, ‘s not funny! Of course he really did this!” Stu pointed to the mark on his neck, which was beginning to bruise.

“Okay, okay. How did it happen?” 

Russel couldn’t believe Murdoc had actually given Stu a goddamn hickey. Now that he’d gotten a better view of the mark, he could see that it had flecks of dried blood around what seemed to be a bite wound. Murdoc must have not only given the frontman a hickey, but also felt that for some reason he had to bite him as well. He wondered why Stu hadn’t fought back against the bass player.

“I was jus’ mindin’ my own business as usual, well then Muds comes outta his room. He’s smellin’ of alcohol like always, but he must’ve been real sloshed.” Stu ran a hand through the blue rat’s nest he called hair, “So, he comes up behind me. An’ he says, he says to me ‘Face Ache. Dents. Blue Bell. How long ‘ave we known each other?’. I’m right speechless at the last ‘fing he called me, but anyways…”

“‘D, get to the point.” Russel pressed.  
“Oh, righ’. So, he’s talkin’ real weird to me, like real ‘fectionate. You know, how ya’d talk to a pretty lady tha’ ya quite like. I said to ‘im: ‘Muds, what’re ya sayin’? I’m no bird, leave me ‘lone.’ He just turns round and says real close to my face ‘Look like one, fuckin’ pretty boy.’” Stu’s face was red with what could’ve been embarassment, but Russel wasn’t completely sure.

“Well, what happened ‘D?” Russel asked.

“Yeah Toochi, what happened?” Noodle finally piped up from her place on the bed.

“I los’ me words after that, and since I didn’ say anything he musta thought I wan’ed him to continue. He says, ‘Bet you’d like somethin’ like me, eh?’ an’ plants one right on me.” Stu’s voice shook a bit, covering his face with one hand.

“What do you mean by ‘plant one on you’?” Noodle asked, moving to sit on Russel’s thigh to see Stu’s reaction.

“He...He snogged me.” Stu dropped his black gaze to the floor, Russel and Noodle breaking into laughter.

“Really? No way!” The two shouted in unison, howling with nearly breathless laughing.

“Yes, he really did snog me!” Stu ran another hand through his hair, huffing in anger. “Afta’ that, he bit me on my neck. It really ‘urt…”

Russel was the first to stop laughing, large hand holding his stomach to keep the pain of his sides heaving down. He wiped a tear from his eye, meeting the blue haired man’s gaze. Noodle had long rolled off Russel’s thigh and was now cackling on the bed. Stu sighed, now visibly upset.

“I don’t think I can even look at ‘im anymore.” Stu’s lanky frame trembled. “Tha’ bastard didn’t know what he was doin’ yeah, but I ‘ave no idea what he meant by it.”

“He probably only did it to screw with ya, ‘D.” Russel stated calmly, dark hands coming down to land on Stu’s shoulders. “Prolly didn’t mean nothin’.”

“Russ is right, Toochi.” Noodle had stopped her laughter, now looking incredibly serious. “If Murdoc really meant something, then he would be banging on the door to be let in.”

“But what if he really did mean somefin’?” Stu asked, “What if he’s jus’ so sloshed that he can’t say anythin’ about it?”

“D, are you sayin’ you want Murdoc, of all people, to think you’re pretty and snog you on purpose?” 

“Yeah, is that what you want?” Noodle snorted, making a heart with her hands. “You and Murdoc?”

“No, I don’t think so…”

“Then what do you want from this?” Russel stood from the bed, “I’ll leave you to sort it out with him, but just call for me if you need him stopped.”

After Russel left, Stu and Noodle were left talking about it. Noodle was curious about his feelings with the whole situation. She motioned for Stu to lie on the bed as she asked him questions.

“Do you like him?” Noodle asked the man on her bed, “You can tell me Toochi, I won’t mind.”

“I don’t fink I like him. Well, like ‘im in that way. He’s a fun man to be around, but he’d be awful in a relationship.” 

“How would you know?”

“Well, look at ‘im.” Stu waved one hand in the air, “He sleeps around too much not ta ‘ave some kind a disease, an’ he drinks ‘n smokes like a madman. He jus’ lays there all the time, an’ will say awful things about everyone.”

“Maybe he’s just hiding a better side away. You never know with Murdoc.” Noodle patted Stu’s head, “Just talk to him. It’s highly likely he was just drunk and being stupid.”

“Alright, thanks Noods.” Stu got off the bed and walked to the threshold, “Sorry for botherin’ ya. I’ll leave you be.”

“You’re fine, Stu. I like talking to you guys.” She waved a small goodbye to the tall man, listening to his footsteps behind the now closed door.

With a stressed sigh, Noodle quickly tugged open her dresser drawer. She was proud of holding it together for so long. Pulling out her favourite type of pill, the same as the first ones she’d ever taken, she swallowed two dry. Too impatient for water, but regretting the pain of trying to force them down. Noodle didn’t mind the pain much since the high would remove that soon enough. 

The wait was shorter since she upped the dosage, and the feeling was much stronger. That boneless feeling was now like the caress of an old friend. She fell back onto her bed, a breathy giggle escaping her lips. Stripping from her coat like she always did, the sweating started right away. The feeling outweighed the heat, and she was once again on cloud nine. 

Her high was peaking, voice growing bubbly with gibberish and the bliss rising with the beat of her heart. It was the best Noodle’d ever felt, and it all came out from under her. The opening of her door made her blood run cold. Her being in bliss, but her mind trying to pull itself out of the high to see who it was. The turning of her head was the most grueling thing she’d ever done. An azure haired man stared at her in utter shock and horror, and Noodle had never felt more shame in her lifetime.


	3. Phase One: Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noodle owns up to her problem, and the resulting chaos is overwhelming on them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will apologise now for how much of an asshole Murdoc is.

Stu stood at in the doorway, heart seeming to drop at the sight of Noodle. The girl was fearful of what he would say, expecting Stu to really go off the rails. He took a few steps into the room. Coming closer to her so she would hear his soft voice.

“What have you taken?” Was all Stu asked.

A simple question? Noodle was shocked herself. She’d just been caught taking Stu’s old pills, and he only asks which kind she’d taken? She thanked her lucky stars that he hadn’t just exploded on her, which someone like Murdoc or to a lesser extent Russel may have done. Though Russel would probably just sound more disappointed, and Murdoc would’ve been screaming his head off in rage.

“Toochi, I can explain-” Noodle cursed her drug induced slow speech.

“What. Have. You. Taken.” Stu sounded more afraid than angry, giving the preteen a light slap to the face to help bring her back.

“The blue and yellow ones, but Toochi please!” 

“Noodle, how many did you take?” His voice was panicked now, she must’ve really messed up now.

“Two…” Her mind was beginning to work swiftly again, “It’s the first time I’ve taken more than one.”

“Noodle!” Stu screeched quietly quietly at her, “I’ve ‘ardly taken more than two when I did ‘em, and I’m a bloody adult!”

“I’m sorry, Stu. I wanted to know what it was like…” Noodle looked down in shame.

“Come on, we ‘ave to get ya to the bathroom. The afta ‘ffects a’ killer.” 

With a groan, Noodle arose to Stu’s open arms. His thin, lanky arms around her waist as he acted like a crutch to guide her to the bathroom. She immediately regretted upping her dosage, the nausea was worse than before. Stu noticed that she was looking a bit green, and quickly helped her down to the toilet. He held her hair the whole time she was sick, rubbing her back in a soothing manner. He wasn’t angry, he was only afraid for what she would become if they didn’t stop her now. She’d be a mess. A tired, disheveled, slow, sleepless, uncoordinated mess. She’d become just like him.

“How long ‘ave you done this?” Stu mumbled to the figure hunched over the porcelain bowl, the girl was sobbing but trying to keep her voice down.

“Ever since you tried to get sober.” Noodle wailed into the toilet, sitting up to face him. “I was so upset with how they made you. I just wanted to know what they did that made you want to take them so badly.”

“Noodle, you know tha’ was an awful fing ta do.” Stu’s gap in his teeth made a small whistle, which Noodle smiled at. “I ‘ave to tell Russ an’ Muds, you know I do. I’m so sorry I turned you inta this.”

“Stu, no. It’s my own stupid mistake.” She wiped her mouth, grimacing at the bile now on her hand.

“Le’s get you some water, love.” Stu took the cup that Noodle kept in her room, and filled it with water.

Noodle rinsed her mouth with the water, and drank the rest that was unused. The tall man placed the glass on the sink. He helped Noodle clean herself up, leaving her to take a shower while he sat in her room. He spotted the open drawer that Noodle had left pulled out. Stu saw bottle after bottle full of different types of his old pills. He wondered how she’d gotten them, but maybe it would be better to talk about it once the others knew. Tossing some of the clothes onto the bed, he picked them up and threw them into the bathroom for Noodle to put on when she finished.

When the small girl came back into her bedroom Stu was hanging upside down from the edge of the bed. He fell over the edge after she made her presence apparent, and Noodle had a small giggle at that. He quickly recovered, gapped smile and black eyes returning to their normal blank look. She brushed out her hair, and met Stu at the doorway when she was done.

“You wanna tell ‘em, or do ya want me to?” Stu asked warmly, trying not to show his pain at the fact of Noodle’s addiction.

“Could you tell them please?” 

Noodle could see Stu’s pained expression, he obviously felt bad about even starting the pills himself. She felt so guilty, and every step to find the others was like walking on the edge of a cliff. She wanted the pills to take the pain away again. She knew why Stu wanted to go back, he was always hurting so bad. She wanted to go back herself. Stu turned to gaze at Noodle, the others were in the living room. They had been waiting to watch a movie with the other two. Stu remembered something that Noodle had said earlier that day.

“Gorillaz isn’t Gorillaz without ya.” Stu mumbled to the girl, and walked into the room.

Noodle was met with Murdoc’s grumble of them taking too long, followed by Russel slapping the olive skinned man on the back of his head. She did something she hadn’t done since she’d went to her first interview with all the strange executives; She held Stu’s hand, and hid behind his long legs. Russel seemed to notice her change in behaviour, and quietly asked Stu why she was acting like she did something wrong.

“She prolly broke something again an’ Dents caught her.” Murdoc griped, “Noodle may play wicked guitar, but she’s still a little brat,”

“No, she didn’ break anyfin.” Stu sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat. “She got inta me pills back when we were gettin’ rid of ‘em. I caught ‘er on them.”

It was the hardest thing Stu had ever said. He felt Noodle flinch behind his legs, her grip on his hand tightened. Noodle’s hair brushed his thigh when she peeked out to see the reaction he was seeing. Murdoc’s eyes flashed with anger, face morphing into an uglier scowl than his normal one. Russel just stared at the girl, a look of genuine denial and despair on his face.

“Noodle would never do anything like that.” Russel denied, “Quit joking ‘D. Shoeshine here’s too good for something like that.”

“I doubt he’s jokin’ Russ.” Murdoc spat, “Lil’ bastard probably wanted to be just like Dents. All high as a bloody kite while everyone else paid attention to her so she didn’t do anything stupid.”

“He’s telling the truth…” Noodle squeaked from behind Stu’s legs.

“Noodle. What did I tell you about lying?” Russel boomed.

“I am not lying! Ask 2D, he probably saw the pills himself!” Noodle snapped at her father figure.

“Yeah right, and how would you even get that many to take these past couple years?” Russel was beginning to get angry, “Why would you even do something like that!”

“Because she’s a lil’ attention whore.” Murdoc hissed at her, a long nailed finger sliced the air in her direction. “Greedy for all the attention we gave Face Ache.”

Russel punched Murdoc square in the nose, something he hadn’t done since Russel found out about him and Paula fooling around. The odd-eyed man was knocked to the ground, nose obviously broken. He glared at Stu with a look that could kill.

“This is all your fault! You and your stupid pills!” Murdoc got off the ground, uncaring of all the blood on himself and the floor. “Why did you even need them? All they did was make you dopey and slow!”

“Because me head ‘urt all the time!” Stu shouted.

“Oh, ‘me ‘ead ‘urt! My ‘ead ‘urts! Muds, please get me the amount of pills with a dosage to kill a bus full of fucking kindergarteners!’” Murdoc barked at the man, poorly mimicking his cockney accent but dropping it at the end. 

“Murdoc, it isn’t 2D’s fault!” Noodle shouted at the bleeding man, stepping out from behind Stu’s legs.

“Yeah? What with you only caring about gettin’ high! Should’ve sent you back to where you came from! How would ya like that?” Murdoc was inches from the young girl, getting closer with each step she backed up.

“Murdoc, I’m gonna kill you!” Russel got off the couch, pushing Stu out of the way. “Let’s hear what she has to say!”

“What she has to say? Well, fuck that noise! Here's what I have to say to this lil’ twerp and you, ya lumbering oaf!” And with no further hesitation, Murdoc struck Noodle across the face.

Time seemed to stop for everyone, too shocked at what Murdoc had done. How could he strike small Noodle like that? His laugh of pure animalistic sadism was cut short by Russel tackling him to the floor. Stu ran towards Noodle to try and give her some comfort, but she wriggled out of his grasp quickly.

Why didn't she stop him? Why didn't she hurt him like all the zombies? The answer was simple for Noodle; Murdoc was family to her. Just like Russel and Stu, if they’d struck her she would've taken it as punishment for doing this. For being awful and disobeying everyone. She was never one to listen from the start, but she knew that the pills would hurt her. She knew the pills would hurt more than just herself, which is why she took the strike. It was to reflect the pain that she had caused them.

Noodle was hyperventilating, her cheek still stung like a thousand wasps, and tears only added to the physical pain. She was bleeding from the way Murdoc’s long nails cut across her small cheek. But none of it compared to the agony within her emotions. Confusion, distress, guilt, and shame were only the start of what she was feeling. She ran and pressed up against a wall. Tears ran down her cheeks at an alarming rate, and Murdoc had escaped Russel to have at her again.

He had hardly touched her compared to his beatings of Stu, but she was all too afraid of what he would do next. He swiftly crawled across the floor, hands swiping at her with fingernails comparable to talons. She covered her face with her hands, shielding herself from another strike around that area. Her knees folded up to cover her torso, and she stopped moving. He grasped the back of her coat and stood while dangling her off the ground. She only met his gaze for a moment. Puffy, red, tear streaked eyes of a child meeting the icy fires of hell in the eyes of Murdoc. With the image of his eyes seared into her mind, she began screaming.

Her screams were loud, awful noises that broke Russel and Stu’s hearts. They captured Murdoc, but Noodle ran out the back door as soon as she was dropped onto the ground. Russel was about to start throwing punches again, arm drawn back to bash into his throat. Stu began shouting obscenities at Murdoc. His mind so overtook with rage that he shook at spat in Murdoc’s face. 

“How could you do that! How could you hit her?” Stu screeched, “She’s only a child! A child who did something wrong, and was trying to own up to it!”

“Her mind is smart enough to know that all that shit’d get her in trouble!” Murdoc growled past Russel’s large hand squeezing his ribcage. “You need to show her discipline!”

“I’ll show you discipline you fucking devil!” Stu struck Murdoc across the face in a similar manner to what the man had done to Noodle. “Ya like that shit? Bet ya couldn’ feel a damn fing with the way everyone used to beat you up! You were raised in that, Noodle wasn’!”

Murdoc was speechless for the first time in his life. Stu had actually hit him. The least he could think of was how surprised he was, and how hard he could actually hit for being a twig. A part of him was hurt at how his old punching bag perhaps now held a grudge on him. Stu only trembled, his eyes welling up in tears at a mix of hatred and fear. He muttered a mix of curses for Murdoc and apologies to Noodle under his breath. Russel had a similar look to Murdoc’s bewilderment on his own normally expressionless face. He couldn’t believe Stu had fought back either.

Over a crash of thunder, they heard the distant crying of Noodle fading fast. They dropped Murdoc, and set off to find her. Out into the constant storm over their home they ran. Rain soaking them as they followed the dying cries. Afraid of what would happen to their young guitarist, they tried as best they could but soon lost her voice. Noodle had fled into the cemetery of Kong Studios, and nobody knew where.


	4. Phase One: Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Russel and his feelings are explored in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how to write Russel in this. I hope I did well, because I watched as many official things with Russel present in them to get a good character of him.

Russel was upset. Not only had Noodle kept this hidden from him, but Murdoc had struck her and she’d run off to who knows where. The spirit of Del buzzing within his mind only made him angrier at the fact he couldn’t think for two people. Shutting his friend out made him a bit unforgiving, but he had to focus on Noodle at the moment.

“Ayyo Russ, whatchu doin’? You tryin’ ta shut me out?” Del asked Russel from within his mind.

“Look, Del. I have to find Noodle, an’ I can’t think with ya all over the place.” Russel said aloud.

“I want to find her too, y’know.” Del’s form came to Russel’s mind, “She’s a sweet girl. Sad she got mixed up wit’ the wrong things, almost like back on the streets…”

“I don’ wanna talk about the streets.” 

Russel picked up his pace, unable to shake the form of Del from his mind. The bald man tried his best to pay attention to where he was going, but Del was making it impossible. Russel groaned in anger at the spirit of his friend. The ghostly spirit dropped his playful tone as the rain splattered on Russel.

“Russ, you have to talk about it with them.” Del urged, “I’m the only person ‘round here that knows how ya feel. It’s awful that I died, I know that, but you have to let ‘em know that you’re still hurting over it.”

“Look, I have to find Noodle. I don’ know what you’re goin’ on about, but I need to find her Del!”

“Russ. You listen to me or else I ain’t goin’ nowhere. When you all get back together you tell them about how you are on the inside. I know you better than anyone else, and I know you want to protect and help them. But they want to help you too.” Del’s figure began fading.

“Fine, I’ll do it. I jus’ don’t wanna have them feelin’ like I’m a burden ‘cus I can’t get over the past.” Russel sighed with defeat, “Can I please go find her now?”

Del faded away completely, resting somewhere in the depths of Russel’s mind. The dark skinned man began a swift pace throughout the winding cemetery. Zombies were rampant again, their red eyes gleaming hungrily at Russel. He had to punch his way through nearly a dozen before he found the sanctuary of one mausoleum. 

He closed the heavy stone door to catch his breath, heart beating wildly from exertion. A few bricks were missing in the resting place, creating a hole that maybe a dog could get in through. Hearing a scuffling noise he thought was a rat, he turned to face whatever it was. What he didn’t expect was a small girl darting closer to the hole. Russel quickly tried to swipe at Noodle, but he only caught her shoes while she escaped back into the storm.

“Maybe you should let her be ‘lone for a while.” Del spoke up from the depths of his mind, “She might jus’ want to sort herself out ‘stead of you all chasin’ her like ya mad at her.”

“Del, ya my best friend, but I don’t think leaving her out here alone would be a good idea.” Russel muttered, tossing open the mausoleum door again and plunging into the night.

Russel had already lost Noodle before he’d opened the door. Now blindly running through dead brush and rocks, it was no surprise that he’d barreled over an unsuspecting Stu. The lanky boy was flung against a tombstone by the impact, a wheeze escaping his winded lungs. He coughed and shivered as the cold rain met bare skin from his newly ripped shirt. Russel helped him to his feet, giving a quick apology.

“Sorry ‘D, I found Noodle but she ran out on me.” Russel traced a finger over the rip in Stu’s shirt. “Remind me to getcha a new shirt after this.”

“Fink nothin’ of it, Russ. Ya sure got me good though.” 

Stu flinched at Russel’s finger on his side. The large man’s fingers drew back to reveal dark red. Russel opened his mouth to apologise again, but Stu continued walking before he could speak again. The soaked men continued their trek through the cemetery. Russel fighting off zombies, and Stu calling for Noodle above the howl of wind. 

Stu’s eyes welled with tears as he called for Noodle. He was cold, drenched, bleeding, and feeling utterly hopeless as he trudged on. All he could think about were the moments of Noodle being struck. She didn’t deserve that, and even Murdoc probably knew it. She was only trying to own up to her mistakes. He called louder at the thought of that, despite his now raw throat.

Stu could remember the first time he got hit when he returned from catatony. He was living with Murdoc because he still needed some care after being revived from his comatose state. Stu’s body was already covered in various bruises and marks. Likely from probable use as Murdoc’s personal punching bag, or worse things Stu didn’t want to think about. He had angered Murdoc by asking questions about the marks. The slap was hard, but it didn’t hurt as bad as he’d expected. But it only got worse from there.

Back then, Stu had thought of Murdoc as a saviour, a god. Now Stu had no feelings of admiration for him. He was filthy, abusive, and he hit Noodle. He knew that it was only Murdoc’s softest strike, but that’s how it starts. He only gets worse from that singular slap. His morals only go lower until he’s lower than the demons he talks to.

Stu remembers the first punch, the first kick, and the first cut. It all snowballed until disintegrating with Noodle’s arrival, but now he’d begun a new cycle with her. Stu couldn’t take the idea of Noodle being hurt like he was, it was too much. Murdoc’s abuse should only be for him, someone who deserved it. It was all his fault that Murdoc began hitting him: Murdoc getting arrested because he was distracted from hitting Stu with his car, him having to take care of Stu, and Murdoc was probably so stressed about it that he began hitting him.

“Stu, ya voice is awful raw.” Russel snapped the man out of his trance. “How about you take a break for a while.”

“This is all my fault.” Stu’s voice croaked, “I’m the reason Murdoc always ‘urts people, why he’s so hateful.”

“Now ‘D, I am not having you spit nonsense like that. You know he was raised in what he does.”

“But he was only supposed ta hit me! I was the person who always made ‘im mad! I was the only person he ‘ad a reason to ‘urt!”

“Murdoc had no right to hurt you, or anyone else! “ Russel planted his hands firmly on Stu’s shoulders, and shook him.“You are a human like the rest of us. I’m not gonna let that asshole hurt our Noodle, and I’m definitely not going to let him hurt you anymore after this!”

Russel let go of Stu’s bony shoulders. He couldn’t believe the twig-like man would blame himself for this. Nobody deserved to be treated how Murdoc treated Stu. He had never given Murdoc a reason to hit him.  
Russel’s mind flashed back to the days when Stu would cry in his room after Murdoc would hurt him. The tall man taking more pain pills than needed to get rid of pain that wasn’t of the flesh. Russel would sit at the edge of Stu’s bed and simply talk to him, and tell him things he never said to anyone besides Del. Russel would just go on and on to the blue haired boy, because if he was high beyond reason it meant he wouldn’t remember a thing later.

He would tell Stu about his life, how things were hard for him while he was growing up. Drone on about his best memories with Del, and drop his emotionless facade when talking about his best friend’s death. Stu would just sit quietly, probably on another plane of existence. But it was good to get things off his chest, and it helped Russel feel more open with himself.

“Are ya really?” Stu hung his head as he pushed weakly past a dead bush.

“Yes! I couldn’t protect Del, but I can help you guys!” The large man slung water from his arms when he waved them in an angry gesture.

“Russ, ya can’t protect everyone… You know ya can’t, fings just ‘appen.” 

“But I can try, Stu! This isn’t the streets, I can actually protect you guys when I couldn’t for Del!”

Stu just sighed and walked off. There was no arguing with Russel when Noodle was still missing. He knew the American would follow him, that deep voice of his ringing clearly over the storm. Stu’s bleeding had stopped, but breathing became difficult. His slender body wheezing and sputtering with each breath. He needed to get to shelter but he wasn’t going to stop until he knew that Noodle was safe.

While calling for his missing friend Russel couldn’t dare to look at Stu. The poor boy was soaked to the bone, and it was obvious he was getting sick. He was so bad that Russel considered going back home with him to force Murdoc to go out and find her. The dark man shook his head, Stu would never go back without Noodle.

“Russ…” Stu weakly pressed against Russel’s broad figure, “Russ, do you ‘ear that?”

Russel listened above the rain. Growing louder from the distance, a raspy voice was calling for Noodle. The two men exchanged a glance of disbelief. Murdoc couldn’t have really gone out and started looking for her, could he? 

“You don’t think he actually went out to look for her, do you?”  
“Russ, i’s Murdoc.” Stu smiled weakly up at Russel, “He’ll do anyfin’ once.”

“I think we should go home then, you can’t be out here much longer.” Russel lifted the quaking man off his feet. “You’re getting sick.”

“But wha’ about Noodle?” Stu flailed with what little strength he had in Russel’s arms, “She needs us!”

“I don’t want to stop looking for her, but you can’t be out here long.” The large man began marching up the hill towards the studio, “Murdoc is looking for her now. He’ll find her, and bring her back safe if he doesn’t want an early grave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one was a little short, but I wanted to cut it off at a good place to get a chapter with more Murdoc going.


End file.
